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Deciding to become a parent can be one of the most exciting and daunting decisions you'll ever make. With so many options out there, it can be hard to know which route is right for you.
Adoption and surrogacy are two popular paths to parenthood, but they come with their own unique pros and cons that need to be considered before making a decision. It's important to understand both processes in order to make an informed choice about what’s best for your family.
In this blog post, I will provide a comprehensive guide on adoption vs surrogacy from different perspectives – giving you insight into how each process works and helping them decide which option is right for you. I'll also share my personal journey and the route that I and my husband took to grow our family. So if you're considering becoming a parent through either adoption or surrogacy, HERE WE GO!
Hey you fabulous beings! I'm Austin and I educate intended parents on how to approach surrogacy so they can start families on their own if they are not able to through conventional means. I do this by sharing my personal journey to becoming a girl dad as a gay man in a nontraditional family structure. You can read my full story here.
Are you considering becoming a parent through either adoption or surrogacy? If you answered yes then it’s important to understand both processes in order to make an informed choice about what’s best for your family.
In this blog post, I will provide a comprehensive guide on adoption vs surrogacy from different perspectives – giving you insight into how each process works and helping them decide which option is right for you.
So if you're ready to start your journey toward parenthood, listen up!
Adoption is the process of legally transferring a child into the care and guardianship of their new parents. Typically, adoptive parents don't have any biological relation to the child they are adopting. The process can be done through private or public adoption agencies, and it’s important for prospective parents to research each agency before making a final decision. Adoption can take anywhere from several months to years, depending on the type and availability of the child being adopted.
Surrogacy is when an expectant mother agrees to carry another person's child and deliver it for them. This method requires a legal contract between the surrogate and the intended parent(s), along with medical procedures that will ensure the baby’s health during pregnancy as well as after birth. Surrogacy typically requires more money than adoption because there are more costs involved in its process, such as fertility treatments, legal fees, insurance premiums, etc. It also tends to take longer (anywhere from 18-24 months) due to all of its various steps and processes.
Adoption has been around for centuries, dating as far back as the Roman Empire. Throughout history, adoption has served as a way to provide families with an heir and ensure that a child would be raised in a stable and safe environment. In the United States, adoption laws began to take shape in the late 1800s when states began to pass laws granting adoptees certain rights and privileges.
However, it wasn't until the mid-1900s that adoption became standardized and more accessible for prospective adoptive families. This culminated in the Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act of 1980, which provided financial assistance to families adopting children from public agencies and incentivized states to increase the adoption of children from foster care.
Today, adoption is much more commonly accepted as a valid path to parenthood and is now open to people of all backgrounds. There are hundreds of private and public agencies specializing in different types of adoption depending on what type of family you’re looking for – from domestic newborns to international adoptions. Additionally, new technologies have made it increasingly easy for adoptive parents to find matches with potential birth parents online.
The history of surrogacy is relatively recent when compared to adoption. In the late 1970s and early 1980s, medical advances made it possible for couples to have a biological child through a surrogate mother. The process began with in-vitro fertilization, where an embryo is created in a laboratory by combining the egg and sperm of the intended parents. The embryo is then implanted into the uterus of a surrogate mother who will carry the pregnancy until delivery.
Since its advent, surrogacy laws around the world have evolved significantly. In some countries, like India, surrogacy has become more accessible due to legal and financial regulations that make it easier for couples to find a surrogate.
Other countries, such as Canada and Australia, only allow altruistic surrogacy (where compensation is prohibited) or gestational surrogacy (where the surrogate does not use her own egg). In addition, many countries have implemented laws requiring prospective parents to undergo psychological evaluations before being approved for surrogacy.
Surrogacy has also become more popular in recent years due to an increase in same-sex couples using this option for parenthood. More and more LGBTQ+ couples are opting for surrogacy as a way to form their families – making it increasingly important that legal protections be put in place to ensure all parties involved are safe and respected throughout the process.
Adoption can be a great way to form a family. For those looking to adopt, the process is often less expensive and time consuming than surrogacy – typically taking anywhere from 6-9 months once you’ve started the process (in the USA). Additionally, there are a variety of options available for prospective parents depending on what type of child they’re looking for.
Private agencies offer newborns that are domestically adopted, while public agencies specialize in older children or those with special needs. International adoptions also offer prospective parents the opportunity to connect with children from other countries – many of whom may have otherwise had difficulty finding families due to their financial or medical conditions.
Aside from these practical benefits, adoption also has many emotional rewards as well. Adoptive parents get to experience the joys of parenthood without going through pregnancy or labor, and they are able to have a meaningful connection with a child who might otherwise not have been given the chance at life in a loving home. Adopting a child can also provide adoptive parents with closure if they have struggled with infertility issues in the past – allowing them to become parents despite their circumstances.
Finally, many couples choose to adopt because it is beneficial for both parties involved. The adoptee is given the security and stability that comes from being part of an adoptive family, while prospective adoptive parents get the opportunity to welcome a precious new addition into their lives.
Surrogacy is a wonderful way to create a family, and it offers many benefits that adoption does not. For one, surrogacy allows prospective parents to have more control over the pregnancy journey – from selecting the surrogate to deciding on prenatal care and delivery options. With surrogacy, couples can also choose what type of arrangement works best for them: traditional surrogacy (where the surrogate uses her own egg and is financially compensated.
Additionally, surrogacy can provide peace of mind for those who are unsure about their chances of conceiving or carrying a child, as having a surrogate carry their baby eliminates the potential risks associated with pregnancy. It also grants prospective parents the opportunity to be involved in all aspects of their child’s life from conception onwards – something that adoptive parents do not always have access to. And because legal contracts are signed prior to implantation ( or conception), there is less chance for conflict between parties during or after the birth.
Passing on your genealogy may be important to you and surrogacy is the only way to do this. Since most intended parents provide the genetic material in surrogacy, they are able to pass on their family traits and characteristics to their offspring.
Surrogacy also offers an opportunity for intended parents to experience the physical and emotional journey of childbirth. Intended parents can be present for doctor’s appointments, ultrasounds, hospital visits, and more – allowing them to truly become a part of their child’s life from the start.
Finally, surrogacy has become an increasingly popular option among same-sex couples looking to start families. Same sex couples who are unable or unwilling to conceive through other means now have another viable option for creating a family without involving third-party reproduction laws and regulations. As such, it is important that legal protections are put in place so all parties involved in the surrogacy process receive equal respect and consideration throughout.
Adoption can be a complex and often lengthy process, and prospective parents should be prepared for the emotional and financial costs that come with adopting a child. Even after finding an appropriate adoptive family, it can take several months to complete all the paperwork and clear legal hurdles.
Some countries have regulations in place that may limit the types of adoptions that are available, such as requiring parents to be at least a certain age or preventing single people from adopting.
The cost of adoption can also add up quickly, including various fees such as home studies, court costs, attorney fees, travel expenses for any required trips to pick up the child, and other miscellaneous costs. In some cases, these costs may be reimbursed by states or federal programs; however, this is far from guaranteed.
The amount of time involved in the adoption process is another issue to consider. It typically takes anywhere between 6 months and 2 years for an adoption to be finalized – although this timeframe can vary depending on country-specific laws and regulations. Prospective parents need to be patient throughout the process and understand that there may be delays due to background checks or other paperwork issues.
Finally, while many adoptees adjust well in their new homes with their adoptive families, there are always risks associated with adoption due to language barriers or cultural mismatches between adoptive parents and their adopted children.
Prospective adoptive parents should research extensively before making a decision in order to ensure they’re prepared for any potential challenges they might face down the road.
Surrogacy can have its own unique challenges. For starters, it is significantly more expensive than adoption, as it involves fertility treatments, medical expenses for the surrogate mother, and associated legal fees. The cost of surrogacy also varies depending on the country or state you’re in, making it difficult to accurately estimate costs before beginning the process.
Finding a suitable surrogate can also be challenging. Surrogates must go through an extensive screening process that includes physical and mental evaluations before being chosen; in some cases, this process may be more rigorous than what would be required for an adoption. There may be extra requirements depending on where the prospective parents live - some states have laws restricting who can become a surrogate mother and require additional paperwork from potential candidates.
The emotional ties between intended parents and birth mothers are an often overlooked aspect of surrogacy that deserves consideration as well. Intended parents should understand that while the pregnancy is legally not theirs, the birth mother will still experience strong emotional attachments to the baby during her pregnancy and afterward. This means that communication between them is essential throughout the process in order to ensure everyone involved feels respected and cared for during such a delicate time.
When considering either adoption or surrogacy, it is important to find an agency that can help guide you through the process. A reputable agency will have a team of professionals who are trained to handle all aspects of adoption and/or surrogacy while adhering to all applicable laws. An experienced agency will also be able to provide prospective parents with vital information regarding legal rights and responsibilities, as well as any other issues they might encounter along the way.
They should also be able to provide access to resources such as counseling services for both the adoptive family and birth mother in order to help them cope with the emotional stress associated with these processes.
An experienced agency can help prospective parents understand the different costs associated with each process, giving them a better understanding of what they will need financially in order to pursue their desired route.
Furthermore, they will be able to answer any questions potential parents may have about regulations and procedures for adoption or surrogacy in their particular area. Finding a qualified and respected agency is essential for ensuring that every step of the process is done properly and legally so that both parties involved feel secure and protected throughout the process.
When it comes to finding an adoption agency, it is important to remember that regulations and procedures vary depending on the location. For instance, many states have different laws pertaining to international adoptions and may require prospective parents to use a licensed adoption agency that has experience in inter-country adoptions.
Ssome states have laws governing minimum age requirements for adoptive parents or special permission forms that must be signed by a birth mother before she relinquishes her parental rights. It is essential to do your research and find an agency that understands the specific laws of the region you are looking to adopt in order to ensure a smooth process.
In addition, certain agencies may specialize in certain types of adoptions such as open or closed adoptions, same-sex couples adopting, or military families adopting.
Researching what kind of adoptions an agency specializes in can help prospective parents find one that best fits their needs and goals. Furthermore, most agencies offer resources such as support groups for adoptive families or counseling services for birth mothers who wish to discuss their feelings about the adoption process. Utilizing these services can provide much needed emotional support throughout the process.
By researching potential agencies thoroughly and understanding the differences between each option, prospective parents will be able to make an informed decision about how they want to proceed with their journey toward parenthood - whether it’s through surrogacy or adoption.
The first agency to consider is Lifelong Adoptions. This Orginization is dedicated to helping prospective parents navigate the process of adoption. They are proudly committed to equality in adoption and believe that every family deserves a chance to grow through the miracle of adoption. That’s why our adoption program is open to any family hoping to adopt, regardless of their race, color, national origin, sex, gender, religion, orientation, or marital status.
They provide a range of services, from pre-adoption education and counseling to post-adoption support. They also specialize in helping same-sex couples adopt domestically or internationally.
Secondly is American Adoptions Inc., which has been assisting both prospective parents as well as birth parents since 1995. This agency specializes in a wide range of adoptions including open, closed, semi-open, and embryo adoptions.
American Adoptions Inc. offers pre-adoption home studies and post-placement visits for adoptive families throughout the adoption process. They also have an extensive resource library for both prospective parents and birth parents that covers topics such as how to prepare her family for adoption or how to cope with infertility after an unsuccessful surrogacy journey.
Thirdly is Spence-Chapin Services to Families & Children (SCSFC). SCSFC is a non-profit organization that has helped more than 10,000 children find permanent homes since 1904. They specialize in foster care adoptions but also deal with domestic infant adoptions.
In addition to providing home studies and post-placement supervision services, SCSFC also offers counseling sessions free of charge for prospective parents looking to learn more about adoption or those who need help dealing with the emotional aspects of parenting after adoption or surrogacy journeys.
International surrogacy agencies have become increasingly popular in recent years, as they allow more prospective parents to find a birth mother in another country. These agencies work closely with partners in other countries in order to ensure that clients are aware of any legal or medical requirements associated with their desired country of origin.
They often provide additional support services such as counseling for both the surrogate and intended parents. This can be especially beneficial if either party has difficulty communicating due to language barriers or cultural differences.
It is important to note that international surrogacy can be expensive and come with its own set of challenges. The legal process can be complex and navigating different cultural norms may require extra patience and understanding. It is also important to consider the potential risks associated with international surrogacy such as an inability to prove a biological relationship between the child and the intended parent or lack of legal protection for the surrogate or intended parent should something go wrong.
Therefore, it is essential for prospective parents to consider this route to research thoroughly before committing to an international surrogacy agency and make sure that all parties involved understand their rights and obligations before signing any contracts.
The first agency to recommend is World Center Of Baby (WCOB). This agency has been helping couples with their surrogacy journeys since 2000 and specializes in both domestic and international surrogacy.
They provide an array of services such as legal advice, medical consultations, referral to trusted doctors and additional support services for intended parents and surrogates alike. WCOB also makes sure that all processes are ethical, safe, and legal.
World Center Of Baby has a webpage specifically designed for LGBTQIA+ individuals, which can be a breath of fresh air for queer couples looking to have a child. This shows that they recognize the significance of parenthood and how it applies to numerous gay and trans individuals - which is fabulous and awesome - way to go World Center of Baby!
To minimize doubts and phobias you may have when embarking on this life-changing journey, they offer support by providing:
I encourage everyone interested in surrogacy to contact World Center of Baby (WCOB). They are professional and friendly and ultimately their goal is to create more happy families in the world - and I think that is just wonderful.
You can book a free consultation with them by clicking here. They are also extremely transparent about pricing and don't have hidden fees like some other agencies. There is literally nothing to lose.
If you have been on the fence and you've read this far, do yourself a favor and book a call with them. Just tell them Austin sent you so I get a pat on the back and they call me a good boy... 😂
The second is Circle Surrogacy. This agency is dedicated to helping intended parents and surrogates from all walks of life, including international families, LGBTQIA+ individuals, and heterosexual couples. Circle Surrogacy specializes in providing a range of services such as legal advice, medical assistance, counselling for both parties involved in the process, and a comprehensive screening process to ensure that everyone meets the criteria set out by the agency.
Circle Surrogacy also offers free informational seminars to help prospective parents understand what they will need to do before embarking on their surrogacy journey. It also provides support groups and one-on-one conversations with experienced professionals who can answer any questions or concerns about the process.
Lastly is Hatch Surrogacy. This agency has been around since 1998 and they specialize in helping international parents achieve their dreams of becoming a parent through surrogacy by providing all-encompassing services such as legal advice, medical consultations, counselling, and screening processes for both intended parents and surrogates.
Hatch Surrogacy also has an extensive network of partner organizations across the globe to help facilitate a smooth transition for both parties involved. Their team of professionals has experience dealing with cultural differences that may be present due to different laws and norms, so navigating different cultural norms may require extra patience and understanding on their part.
This is my journey in 9 steps to becoming a gay dad through surrogacy.
PS. I documented the process as a series of Videos on YouTube here. So feel free to watch it if you prefer that over reading.
We had discussed adoption many times, but we both felt that surrogacy was the best option for us due to its increased flexibility and control - we are both engineers so a controlled timeline for us was a must.
Initially, we researched various agencies and decided to go with a local agency. We spent a year trying to find a suitable match within our community, but we had very little control over the process. Ultimately we moved to an online agency which opened up so many doors in regard to potential egg donors.
My recommendation: World Center of Baby (WCOB)
Matching with our egg donor was magical. We both agreed immediately that she was the perfect fit for us. We were able to get to know her a bit and learn more about her story which made us feel connected on multiple levels. She said yes!
After matching with an amazing egg donor we created the embryos in a lab. This was a surreal experience as we saw our future of becoming parents come to life - quite literally. We were both so excited to be on the path towards parenthood.
Initially, we had 18 eggs that could be used for the process. However, after fertilization, we got different types of embryos. Some of them were found to be not viable, while some were partially viable. Eventually, we were left with 6 embryos that were in optimum condition for use. We decided to preserve them for future use until we acquired a surrogate mother.
After months of searching, we eventually came across the perfect match for us - someone that understood the challenges of surrogacy but was also committed to helping us create a family.
She was a wonderful woman that spoke to us about her journey as a surrogate and even shared stories of how she had already helped other couples create their families. We were both so touched by her experience and felt an immediate connection with her. She agreed to be our surrogate.
My recommendation: World Center of Baby (WCOB)
After our surrogate agreed to become a part of our family, we had the embryos transferred into her uterus. It was an emotional experience for all of us - we were all so excited to finally see our dream of becoming parents come true. During the months leading up to the embryo transfer, she underwent extensive medical tests and screenings to make sure that she was medically fit to carry a baby.
Finally, after months of preparation, the embryo transfer process occurred without any complications - and we had our first glimpse of hope that one day, we would finally be able to become parents.
The pregnancy was a unique and emotional experience for everyone involved. Our surrogate went through regular medical check-ups and ultrasounds to make sure the baby was healthy and growing as expected.
We were so grateful for her selflessness and commitment to helping us build a family. We stayed in touch with her throughout her pregnancy and still to this day.
Finally, after months of anticipation, our precious baby was born. All the hard work and effort that we had put in to make it happen finally paid off - it was a dream come true for both of us.
We were so incredibly lucky to have found such an amazing surrogate mother who could help us bring our child into this world. We are forever grateful for her help and won't ever forget the amazing journey that led us to becoming parents.
We are now proud parents and living our best lives as gay dads. We are so thankful for the incredible journey that we took to get here - from adoption to surrogacy and finally, becoming dads to our beautiful little one.
It was a long and sometimes difficult journey, but it has been worth every step of the way.
Adoption and surrogacy are both complex legal processes that both involve a great deal of emotional and financial investment. Adoption offers the opportunity for an immediate and lifelong connection between adoptive parents and their child, while surrogacy allows intended parents to experience a pregnancy without going through the process themselves.
Both of these options are valid ways of starting a family but one may be more suited to you than another. It is important to take the time to research and understand all of your options before making a decision, as both routes come with their own unique sets of benefits and drawbacks.
Ultimately, the best choice depends on each individual's circumstances and what they are most comfortable with in terms of legal rights and responsibilities.
No matter which route you choose, always make sure to research thoroughly. The decision to become a parent should never be taken lightly, so take your time and be well-informed before making any major decisions... but that's why you are here reading this right?
If you are seriously considering surrogacy, or if you still can't decide between adoption and surrogacy, you should set up a casual meeting with World Center Of Baby - it's completely free and they are just the nicest people. All you have to do is fill out this form and they will get in contact with you.
And get this... If you want me to make a personal introduction to World Center of Baby for you, I'd be happy to! Just send me an email (austin@austinplease.com) or DM me on Instagram (@austnplz) so I can get to know you better and give you a stellar recommendation!
Until next time you fabulous beings!
XoXo Austin Please
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