4 Best Ways To Deal With Your Kid's Temper Tantrums

Hey there fellow tired parents! Honey, let me tell you, tantrums are the universal parenting experience. Whether you’re a gay dad, a straight dad, or somewhere in between, if you’ve got kids, you’ve probably dealt with at least one epic meltdown.

Maybe it’s over something small, like not getting the blue cup instead of the red one. Or maybe it’s something bigger like being told no to that candy bar at the checkout line. Either way, tantrums can feel like a Category 5 hurricane sweeping through your otherwise peaceful day.

I used to think tantrums meant I was failing as a parent. Like, why can’t I just keep my kid happy all the time? But then I realized, oh wait, they’re kids. Their brains are still figuring out how to process big feelings, and sometimes those emotions just explode out of them like glitter from a shaken bottle. Messy? Yes. Normal? Absolutely.

The truth is, tantrums aren’t just inevitable, they’re actually kind of important. They’re part of how our kids learn to navigate frustration, disappointment, and limits. And while we can’t avoid every single meltdown (wouldn’t that be nice?), we can handle them in ways that help our kids grow emotionally stronger.

So let me dive into some practical tips for handling these little emotional earthquakes. And trust me, when the storm hits, having a game plan makes all the difference.

1) Show Them You Get It: Validating Their Feelings

Let me talk about validation, because this one is huge. I’ll admit, my first instinct when my kid starts spiraling into full-on tantrum mode is to say something like, “Why are you so upset? We can come back tomorrow!” But in that moment, they’re not exactly in a place to have a rational conversation.

Their brain is basically running on pure emotion, and trying to reason with them feels like negotiating with a tornado.

Instead, what worked for me was simply acknowledging their feelings. You don’t have to agree with them or give in, you just have to show them that you get it. For example, if my little girl is losing it over leaving the playground, I might say, “I know, honey. It’s so hard to leave when you’re having so much fun. I get it.” And honestly? That simple act of saying, “I hear you” can take the edge off. Like handing them an emotional life jacket when they feel like they’re drowning.

Now, does this mean they stop crying instantly? Not always. But it does help them feel seen and understood, which is half the battle. Plus, it models for them how to name and process their emotions, which is such an important skill as they grow up. So next time your kid is mid-meltdown, resist the urge to fix it right away. Just validate. Trust me, it will work.

2) Stay Positive: Be the Calm in Their Emotional Storm

It’s hard. Really hard. But I do have a solution, it is known that children are like little emotional sponges. They soak up whatever energy we’re putting out in front of them. If we come at them with frustration or a confrontational tone, it’s like pouring fuel on the fire. But if we stay calm and positive? That energy can help de-escalate the situation.

Think about it from their perspective. Imagine you’re upset because you have to stop doing something fun, and someone snaps, “Stop crying! I already told you it’s time for a snack. Just eat your apple!” Oof. That would probably make you feel worse, right? Now imagine instead they said, “I see you’re really sad about stopping playtime. I get it, it’s no fun to leave when you’re having such a great time. But guess what? Snack time is here, and you’ve got two awesome choices: apples or yogurt. What’ll it be?” See the difference?

The truth is, tantrums are scary for kids too. They don’t want to lose control, it’s overwhelming for them. So when you approach the situation with positivity, even in the tiniest way, it helps them feel safer and more grounded. And yes, I know, it’s not always easy to sound cheerful when you’re internally screaming, “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?” But trust me, keeping your tone light and supportive makes a world of difference.

You just have to always keep in mind that you’re their anchor in these moments. When they’re spinning out, they need you to be the steady, reassuring presence that helps bring them back to calm. So take a deep breath, channel your inner zen (or fake it till you make it), and remind yourself: staying positive isn’t just for them, it’s for you too.

3) Set Boundaries with Love

Here’s a little secret I’ve learned as a dad, saying “no” or setting limits doesn’t make you the bad guy. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Setting clear, loving boundaries is one of the most important things we can do for our kids. It might not feel like it at the moment, especially when they’re screaming like you’ve just canceled Christmas, but trust me, these limits are helping them grow into resilient, adaptable humans.

Now, I’m not talking about arbitrary rules or being overly strict. The key is to set limits that are realistic and enforceable. For example, threatening “time out” might sound good in theory, but if you can’t actually make it happen (or if your kid just refuses to cooperate), it’s not going to work. On the other hand, something like “no TV until homework is done” is specific, achievable, and easy to follow through on.

When you’re enforcing these boundaries, how you communicate matters just as much as the rule itself. Instead of shaming or blaming, “You always do this! Why can’t you just listen?”, try to keep it calm and direct. Something like, “I know you really want to watch TV right now, but first we need to finish your homework. That’s the rule, and I believe in you to get it done.” This approach keeps the focus on the behavior, not the child, which helps prevent the situation from escalating.

And life isn’t always fair. As adults, we know that better than anyone. Teaching our kids how to handle disappointment and adapt to limits now sets them up to navigate bigger challenges later. Sure, it’s tempting to give in sometimes, especially when their puppy-dog eyes are working overtime. But remember, the world isn’t going to bend to their will, and neither should we. By holding firm on the rules, we’re showing them that they’re capable of adjusting, and that’s a skill that will serve them for life.

So the next time you’re feeling guilty about enforcing a limit, remind yourself, you’re not being mean. You’re being loving. Because sometimes, the kindest thing we can do is teach our kids how to thrive in a world that won’t always say yes.

4) Sometimes, You’ve Got to Tune It Out

Alright, let’s talk about one of the hardest but most effective tools in our tantrum toolkit, ignoring. Now, before you gasp and think I’m suggesting we abandon our kids mid-meltdown, hear me out. It isn’t about neglect, it’s about selective attention.

Sometimes, the best way to handle a tantrum is to step back (figuratively, not literally, safety first!) and let the storm blow over without feeding it with too much energy.

If your kiddo is safe and their tantrum isn’t putting them, you, or your favorite vase in harm’s way, it’s okay to take a step back and not engage. This might mean avoiding eye contact, turning your back (while still keeping an ear out), or even moving to another part of the room.

Why? Because when we give attention to tantrum behavior, whether it’s through talking, negotiating, or even scolding, we’re unintentionally reinforcing it. Kids are smart. If they realize that screaming gets them what they want (or at least gets a reaction), they’ll keep doing it.

Now, ignoring doesn’t mean completely tuning them out. You can still supervise from a distance and make sure everything stays safe. And if they start redirecting their energy toward something else, that’s your cue to swoop in with some positive reinforcement.

For example, if my little girl starts playing with a toy instead of flailing on the floor, I might say, “Wow, I love how you’re using your blocks! Look at that awesome tower!” It’s all about shifting the focus away from the meltdown and toward something more productive.

One thing to remember, this strategy works best for tantrums that are about getting attention or control, not ones that stem from genuine distress. If your child is upset because they’re hurt, scared, or overwhelmed, ignoring isn’t the right move. But for those “I want it my way” moments, sometimes the best response is no response at all.

And don’t try to reason with them in the middle of a tantrum. Trust me, I’ve been there, trying to explain why we can’t have ice cream for breakfast like it’s a courtroom drama. It doesn’t work. So save the conversation for later, when everyone’s calm and ready to talk.

Summary

If your best efforts to stop a tantrum don’t work, it’s okay, sometimes, you just have to wait it out. Tantrums are a normal part of growing up and usually become less frequent and intense as kids learn to manage their emotions. But if tantrums are frequent, aggressive, or prolonged (20+ minutes), they might signal a deeper issue. In those cases, seeking support from a mental health professional can help.

Final Word

Parenting is messy, beautiful, exhausting, and rewarding, all rolled into one. And let’s be honest, dealing with tantrums is one of those moments that tests every ounce of patience we have. These meltdowns, as frustrating as they are, are actually proof that our kids are learning and growing.

They’re figuring out how to navigate big feelings in a world that doesn’t always make sense to them yet. And while it might not feel like it at the moment, you’re doing an amazing job just by showing up and trying your best.

That said, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, or just need a little more guidance, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too, trust me.

If you liked this article and want even more tips on navigating the wild ride of parenting (especially as a tired gay dad), head over to austinplease.com. Whether it’s advice on handling tantrums, balancing family life, or just finding ways to take care of yourself in the chaos, I’ve got you covered.

Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this together, and a little solidarity goes a long way. Cheers to surviving tantrums, one deep breath at a time! 🍷👶

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